For those who know me, I am not a bar-frequenter, though I do enjoy going to a bar on rare occasions with a group of friends.
While I speak casually with a friend of a friend about the types of guys I normally go for, I may be speaking at a louder volume than usual. A young Kenny G. look-a-like bartender sashays up to me while I'm in mid-sentence. "..typically shy, Asian, tall guys."
He cuts me off and exclaims, "Did you just say shy, Asian, and tall?" I furrow my eyebrow with caution but eventually shrug yes.
He continues, "I've got the perfect guy for you." He is intent on introducing me to this so-called "perfect" guy, and all I can think about is whether this golden-locked bartender/celebrity look-alike standing before me is also a mean saxophonist.
It isn't long before he and another bartender are firing up their iPhones and texting with a fury in an attempt to summon this perfect man before me. Meanwhile, I'm finding this to be quite entertaining, as I have never imagined a bartender to serve beyond drinks and provide as a matchmaker.
V, the other young slightly quirky and permeable bartender has now made it also his full-on mission to get this guy to come to the bar on his night off. My lady friends are all a-giggle and like me, simply curious if this guy is all they are making him out to be.
To pass some time, I throw the question back at V and he jokes that he is looking for a girl with gigantic tits (I apologize for not censoring this post), pink handcuffs, and a tramp-stamp. Ah, touché. I am afraid I have left my handcuffs at home.
As the clock approaches midnight, this would-be fairytale prince opens the door and walks in. Does he fit the bill? I grimace, because the only description our new bartender friends have gone off of is simply physical attributes. It could be ANYone.
The giddy bartenders score 33% on this test. They only get the tall part down. Their claim he is Asian is only 1/2 true as he is part French and Thai. I don't discriminate if there is value to a person, all ethnicities welcome. And apparently someone's idea of "shy" is relative. He is not what I would call shy. As he makes his way, I catch a glimpse of a blue glow emanating from his lips. What's this? Before I have time to figure out what he's smoking in his mouth, the bartender exclaims, "See, he's so tall he towers over clouds!" I can imagine the majority of my friends and I have a slight gaping expression in disbelief. My good friend replies, "Yeah, the only thing he's towering over is that cloud coming from his electronic cigarette!" Tears brim up in my eyes as I cannot contain my laughter. I have never seen this "electronic cigarette" before in my life. And talk about first impressions. He wouldn't let go of that thing like a pacifier. Still, we are not rude people. We realize they took the time to summon this guy to come out, the least we can do is give him some sort of chance. Question 1. How old are you? 29. (pass)Question 2. How close are you with your Thai roots? not close at all. (fail)
Question 3. Do you like sports? I play them but it's a waste of time to watch them, plus I can't afford to watch them. (fail) We are stumped after question 3. There is no clever banter. No smiles. No adorable quirkiness. Nothing and I think it is mutual. I think all 4 of us girls would take the bartender over this guy any day. I certainly can't avoid the distraction from the steam emitted from the blue LED poking from the faux-cigarette, which I assume is a modern-day nicotine patch. The moral of the story? Two actually.
1. Never let your bartender try to hook you up with their friend.
2. When someone asks you what your "type" is, don't list physical attributes. Now my answer is as follows: 1. Gets my goofiness and laughs with me, perhaps occasionally at me.
2. Brilliant. (Not just IQ-wise, just personality wise)
3. Ambitious and Driven. Motivated to always improve on themselves and enjoy their life and what they do.
4. Resourceful but also knows how to enjoy the occasional finer things in life.
5. Semi-active, or at least cares not to harm their own body.
6. Able to have as much fun staying home, as much as going out and exploring new places/venues/events.
7. Get along with my friend fam. This is so critical for me. My friend fam is a group of easy-going people, so I don't see this being an issue. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.