Another late night means I'm not sleeping. I would prefer to just lay down and get good rest but I kind of have some things on my mind.
I hung out with some old friends tonight, I say old, only because they're friends who I knew from high school. I only truly keep in touch with one friend from high school who I consider one of my best friends and I would hope that he of all people knows me, considering the amount of time we spend talking to one another.
But he made a comment tonight that was probably half joke, but at the same time sounded half serious. "You should go out with my friend D, because he's a nice guy... even though he's not your type, he's a nice guy, you should totally date him".
Let's back pedal in my brain for a few moments here.
Wait. So you want me to date him because he's "nice"? Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being nice. Of course, anyone you end up with you would hope that he/she is nice. But to have this be the ONLY quality/thing in common to bring two people together? That simply doesn't cut it for me.
Maybe I am picky and that is why I'm single. I hold high standards. The older I get, and the more interactions we have with people along the way, has made me realize the qualites that I am attracted to in the opposite sex. They always advise not to make a laundry list of qualites you want in your ideal partner, but it's only natural to sort of collect them at least mentally.
Plus, it can also be clear what your definite game breakers are. There are little things like, I don't want to date anyone who smokes, participates in drugs, drinks too much, lazy, no ambition... those are things I couldn't change in someone or expect them to change for me, therefore these are dealbreakers.
Utimately, now I'm looking for my soulmate. Not someone who just fits the bill of being "nice". I want someone who personally wants to spend time with me because of my magnetic personality. I want someone who appreciates me and gives me his full undivided attention. I don't want someone identical to me, though having similar interests is a perk. I love learning things so I would love someone who can teach me new things. I want someone with a sense of humour who gets me and my deliberate goofiness which some people mistake for being overly silly.
My friend advised that I shouldn't have to change myself for someone else either. This is true. Often times when you're trying to impress someone, you might go into a different mode, or dress a little differently. I shouldn't have to become someone I'm not, as they should know the real me.
I don't want a guy who is only looking for a trophy wife either. I'm no supermodel, so if that's their only intent, then I wouldn't want that kind of person anyway. Cliche as it sounds, I want someone who wants to be with me for me. Someone I can banter with, who isn't afraid to test my limits and tease back. Is it that hard to find someone who would love my company and have this amazing chemistry with? The point is, the chemistry has to be there. Nice alone doesn't cut it.
Single men, take note.
- Be decisive. Little things like pick a place to eat so there's no dawdling.
- Be confident. Know your strengths and demonstrate them. Be careful. The skill here is being able to avoid being cocky. There's a difference.
- Be coy. Kid around. Tease. Get into the other person's mind.
- Chivalry is not dead. Open doors for her. Let her walk ahead. Buy her a drink or two.
- Share a lot about yourself so we can get to know you.
- Ask about her once in a while. Be genuinely interested.
- Remember things. Are u taking mental note? Pay attention. Remember things she likes. This comes in handy for future encounters.
- Share your food with her. Sharing anything is a pretty big gesture. Shows your comfort level is somewhere u can trust the other person.
- Touch. The sense of touch is powerful. Flirting is amplified with even just a little more touch than usual.
- Communicate occasionally. Random texts show ur thinking about her. Go overboard and you come off desperate. Once in a while will bring a smile to her face. Not enough will make her forget you.
- Be a gentleman. Walk her to her car. Or at least offer.
- Pay for a few things. It isn't a date unless the guy pays. Sorry guys, it's just how it is. But I also believe it can go both ways once it becomes comfortable enough.
- Make good eye contact. Look into her eyes during discussions.
- Ask her out on another date. It can be as casual as just going for a bite to eat or something more activity related. If you like someone this is a no-brainer.
So keep that in mind next time you non-single people try to "match-make" me with someone you think I should go for just because they are "nice". I don't want to shut people down, but if I don't feel it, I'm not going to go for it. On the bright side, when I do feel something with someone, I do become a little more aggressive. I don't want to become too aggressive, but you have to give a little bit to get something back. Last piece of my advice? Nothing wrong with having fun. :)