Let me preface by saying, I'm not one of those people who dress up their dogs in people-clothing, nor do I pick up and carry my dog around with me everywhere I go. I've always had the mentality that our dogs are our dogs, they walk on their own for a reason and there's a reason why dogs try to rip off their clothing that humans think are so cute to dress them up in. No offense, to each our own. But when it comes down to the love for my dog, I love him as much as any other obsessed dog owner. There is this inexplicable relationship that you share with your dog, that brings you happiness on the best days and comfort on the worst days. Unless you have a dog or have had a dog in your lifetime, you will probably never understand this strong bond.
Recently, my dog, who is endearingly my "wolf" in shining armour.. the one guy who doesn't judge me, doesn't blame me for not spending enough time with him, doesn't stop loving me because he is selfless and is eager to see me regardless..was diagnosed with an abdominal cancer mass in his stomach. Up until a couple days ago, for being 13 years old, he was always running free-spirited and literally I'd have to chase him down, because that was his favorite game.
The only reason why we discovered the mass, was because we found him collapsed next to the air conditioner outside. He was fully functional and breathing, but he wasn't able to stand on his hind legs. I took him into his vet and upon running xrays, though his hips were surprisingly healthy (I had thought maybe he wasn't able to walk upright because he had possibly dislocated his hips or due to joint degeneration) there was an alarming mass in his stomach, pushing up against his other organs.
The worst part about finding out the dog you love is suffering besides watching them suffer, is that they are never able to tell you. I want to ask him, does it hurt, how badly, and how can I make it hurt less? So I can know how to proceed and provide him the care he needs. You see, mentally, he's a spry angel. He is fully responsive, he even wags his tail as soon as he sees me. We have to take care of one problem at a time. With the walking... I feel horrible as he is rendered helpless. He tries so hard to get up and walk only to fall onto his hindlegs after several seconds. But he WANTS to walk. He needs to walk, because that's the only way he can get up to use the restroom. I've been helping him by propping him up and supporting him but I alone cannot be there 24 hours, on call, though I want to.
The waterworks turned on when my vet told me I'd have to observe him for a couple of weeks before I make the biggest decision of my life. First, if his walking condition continues to worsen or doesn't improve, then we have to decide how to go forward with this. Ultimately, the biggest decision lies on the cancer that resides in his stomach. It has grown far too large to surgically remove successfully, and is especially dangerous at his age. As it grows larger, it will impact the rest of his organs and worse comes to worse..cue the tears. I knew what he was saying. I just didn't want to believe it.
I understand If there is suffering I can prevent.. I know it will be the toughest decision I will make. Yet I don't want to make any premature decisions. I am listening before I make any call.
I don't know any human who could offer as much loyalty as a dog would - we humans are at times a disgrace when it comes to how we act. If we only observed the unconditional love that animals provide us and one another, we should be ashamed of ourselves for lacking the amount of compassion and humility they have. To that end, I owe him.
